This is more like a blog of questions than answers. We all heard the phrase “everyone deserves a second chance”. And sure, I think we all have bad days and can behave in ways we wouldn’t normally behave and so I definitely think everyone deserves a second chance. I say this to everyone that asks me which Yoga teacher to choose and I always say, even if you walk into a class and don’t like it the first time, give it a second chance, everyone has bad days.
We interact with people and most of us have a certain standard of the type of relationships we invite in our lives. Some of us have more rigid standards (making it more difficult for them to create and sustain relationships) and others have more flexible standards. When those standards, of what we expect certain people to be in our lives, are broken, we are hurt. Sometimes the pain is easier to process than other times, sometimes it is easier to forgive and try again than other times.
But Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It is like putting in the same ingredients into a cake that didn't work out the first time, the cake is coming out too wet or too dry. Are we supposed to do what's right or what's practical? What if our standard is not going to be met? Do we drop our standard and adapt in an attempt to be happy? Or do we drop the person and search for someone that happily meets our standards? Or do we become the ingredient that changes in the cake for it to work? In a two way relationship with another person, can you only change one ingredient, yourself, and the relationship would change? Or are there cases where it is impossible to change the cake without changing more than one ingredient?
Spiritual teachings tell us that our spiritual growth can be accelerated by finding radical acts of love towards people that challenge us the most. And sometimes the radical act of love is to walk away. But sometimes walking away is the easiest solution, and the easiest solutions do not always bring the biggest transformations.
Spiritual teachings also tell us that the biggest favour we can do the world is to be happy ourselves. Do we then, choose the easiest path?
It would be easy for me to sit here and preach about how love should be unconditional (those standards we set for others shouldn’t really exist) and how we should love people regardless of how they behave, and how we should love them with enough detachment that if they do deviate from what we want, it would be easy for us to love them from afar.
But the reality of it is, although I managed to apply this many times, there are still instances where I find it difficult to let go of the image I have of what a person can be. I find it difficult to be completely loving when my heart is wounded and I find it difficult to let go when I still feel attached.
Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanti.
Weam is the founder of Namaste. She had started a very deep and intense spiritual journey at a young age having refused to continue to suffer with the common challenges of her generation: depression, anxiety and being lost. She insisted that there must be more to life than the constant rat race she was in