Living Your Dreams

​As we approach the new year, we all start to evaluate our lives and think about the things that we would like for ourselves. Those thoughts are typically filled with excitement and usually followed almost instantly with thoughts of fear and limitation.

During all of my childhood as well as early adult life, I felt unworthy. I settled in for very little and was cautious of asking. I wanted to take a little space, hated to cause inconvenience and only felt comfortable giving. I did not feel that I deserved not to struggle nor did I believe that it was possible for me to get what I wanted.

As the spiritual practice brought to light all of those insecurities, self loathing and limited ways of thinking, I began to claim what is mine. I spoke kinder words to myself, I allowed myself to surrender my wishes to The One that can make them come true and believed that if my dreams made me happy, they would make others happy too. This is when I stopped feeling guilty about everything and felt excited about life again. This is when I gave up a secure, high paying job for a much more fun and satisfying one.

This did not happen overnight. And even today, I continue to settle for  little and ignore what I truly want. I am constantly reminded through daily encounters that I ignore that voice that is within my heart and that is so sure and allow myself to blend in the background. I continue now (although much, much less frequently) to allow myself to feel unworthy in parts of my life that are most important to me. In many ways, I do that  because a part of me did not believe that what I wanted existed. And just as I am about to give up on realising the final touches on living the true and authentic life that I always wanted, just as I was about to throw my hands up in the air and surrender desires that I thought were never going to be fulfilled, God shows up and proves me wrong. And now I am much more awake than I ever was to see that sometimes the most beautiful gifts come in the ugliest packages.

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