Sometimes I think to myself surely I could have chosen a more "fun" way to spend my time, then I would always have an experience that would remind me why I do this.
The first four days were uneventful. In a silent retreat, that is unusual. I was enjoying my own company. Yes, my mind was often not present, usually jumping to the future creating plans that may never manifest. Yes, despite piling up the cushions/blankets/bolsters my body was aching like an eighty year old. Yes, I did consider giving it up and just leaving to go to the beach, or something, out of pure boredom. But all in all, I was doing fine. There were no demons in there haunting me the way there was when I started my practice a few years ago. There was no discomfort in silence, in being alone, in doing nothing. There was nothing in there that I couldn't handle.
Then came the ecstatic dance. I had barely started moving my body when I was bathed in this pure, raw, intense emotion. I cannot label the emotion. I burst into tears in a powerful wave of gratitude, of presence, of longing for the divine that I had to stop and look around. And what I saw was so much beauty, love, purity and joy. I saw what uninhibited, completely detached from the ego, joyfully present human beings look like. And I fell in love, I fell in love with each one of these women as they unfolded parts of their Selves that they had hidden away under their normal personas. I fell in love with the divine all over again that I had no choice but to bow my head down and allow tears to roll down my cheeks in endless gratitude for allowing me to see things as they truly are.
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.
Metta Always, Weam