And what hit me as a strong realization recently was something that my teacher lovingly to me as I sat at her feet and sobbed at how I couldn’t bear the longing to God for a second more. She said “You have always been with the Divine, once you realize that, there will be no suffering”.
All my mind could do with that is think. And thinking often doesn’t work. It took me many hard lessons to realize that my adoring eyes that falling upon saints, teachers and spiritual heroes should have also fallen upon me. The teachings that came through them also can come through me. The love they radiate so brightly also lives within me. Not my body, or mind, or story, or idea of who “I Am” but the “I Am” that lives in me and you and trees and birds alike.
And like all spiritual experiences trying to put this realization into words fails to deliver the profound peace that comes with understanding the Divine essence of who we are and so this poem that came through, as I became more silent, attempts to do that.
I rest in my mother's womb
With my eyes closed, fixated on You
A lightening, a chill and boom!
I no longer knew
Felt that hallow in my belly
Thought it was hunger
And though mother's breast arrived
Her love didn't suffice
I had a mother, I remembered
I just didn't know who
My heart was longing for You
I couldn't bear the separation
Always chased new destinations
Begged to be reunited with that nectar
I didn't know I didn't have to go far
All you asked me is to rest on your palm
All I had to do was trust and stay calm
You'll carry me the rest of the way
And yet I long till this day
For I have not yet realized in a head so wrong
That you had been within me all along
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.